Mentoring: How to Find a Mentor
This edition covers how to find mentors and how to nurture those relationships!
Hello, hello, and welcome to The Balanced Engineer Newsletter!
I thought I would mix things up a bit. Instead of doing a Deep Dive article at the end of this newsletter, I'm instead including a Highlights section of things I've been doing this week and things I've enjoyed this week.
I've been finding that mid-month I kind of run out of Deep Dive article or book suggestions, and I thought this may be a fun way to share some of the things that I'm making and some of the things I'm enjoying that other people are making.
I'm also moving it to the front! Feel free to skip it if you just want to get to the content. The regular newsletter content is just after the highlights section. Let me know your thoughts on this change, if you think it sucks or if you like it!
Highlights
Things I've been doing on the internet
Here are some things I've made on the internet this week!
- Article: My Adventure on the Web Dev Challenge - Caffeine, Code, and Cameras!
- Podcast: Overcommitted Ep. 3 | Onboarding to a new codebase
- Skeet: "This week I crossed a pretty cool milestone... 100 people subscribed to my newsletter! 100!! Most of whom I didn't even beg to subscribe 😁 feeling like that is a win today."
- Video: Model Context Protocol for Dummies (like me)
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Illustration:
Things I've enjoyed on the internet this week
It has been an AI-heavy learning week, which is probably going to be a preview of the May newsletter theme (I'm sorry, or you're welcome, I'm not sure which). Got something you want me to read and feature in this newsletter? Send it to me at brittany@balancedengineer.com!
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Article: The Post-Developer Era by Josh W. Comeau
- Despite the title, this is a very balanced take on "AI is useful but isn't taking all software engineer's jobs any time soon"
- Podcast: Last Week in AI | #206 - Llama 4, Nova Act, xAI buys X, Paperbench
- I just started listening to this podcast at a coworker's suggestion (Thanks, Bruce!). It is really good and approachable and a good way to get through the headlines of what's going on in the AI space!
- Video: Learn with Jason | WTF is MCP in AI?
- This is the first MCP discussion I actually managed to pay attention to
- Video: Web Dev Challenge S2.E1 | Build a custom API + app in 4 hours
- This is the web dev challenge episode that I'm on!! This was a super fun experience and I think the apps all turned out pretty cool!
Onto the content!
I've been thinking a lot about mentorship lately—how to be mentored, how to mentor others, and now, perhaps the most challenging aspect: how to find a mentor in the first place.
It's a question I've heard from many software engineers, especially those early in their careers or transitioning into new roles: "How do I actually find someone willing to mentor me?" Let's talk about that today!
April Theme: Mentoring
We're continuing our exploration of mentoring this month. We've already covered how to make the most of mentorship as a mentee and strategies for being an effective mentor. Today, we're focusing on that crucial first step: finding the right mentors.
Rethinking Mentorship
When most people think about finding a mentor, they imagine a formal, long-term relationship—perhaps meeting regularly for months or years with a wise elder who guides their entire career. While these relationships do exist, they're rare and can be intimidating to establish.
Instead, I'd like to suggest a more approachable model: think of mentorship as a collection of learning relationships of varying durations and intensities. Some might last for years, while others might be a single conversation that changes your perspective.
Where to Look for Mentors
- Consider All Your Peers
Mentors don't need to be significantly more senior than you. Some of my most valuable mentors have been peers who simply had different experiences or skills than I did. The junior engineer who joined your team last month might have expertise in a framework you've never used, or bring perspectives from a different industry.
This is especially true in software which has a ton of career-switchers. Yes, someone might be early in their software journey, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they don't have some excellent experience and advice to share!
Don't limit yourself by title or years of experience. Sometimes the most insightful guidance comes from unexpected places. The colleague who sits next to you might have solved exactly the problem you're facing, or might approach problems in a way you'd never considered.
- Look Beyond Your Team
Mentors can come from anywhere in your organization or community:
- Engineers in different departments who use similar technologies
- People with backgrounds in fields adjacent to yours
- Community members you meet at meetups or conferences
- Contributors to open source projects you use
- Authors of blog posts or books that resonated with you
I've found some of my most valuable mentoring relationships started from simply reaching out to someone whose work I admired with a specific question.
- Create Opportunities for Spontaneous Mentorship Put yourself in situations where mentorship can happen naturally:
- Join or start a learning group at your company. Book clubs are great!
- Ask questions in public channels where multiple people can respond
- Attend workshops or training sessions
Making the Ask
The most common mistake I see is the direct approach: "Will you be my mentor?" This puts tremendous pressure on the potential mentor, implying a formal, time-intensive commitment.
Instead, try these approaches:
- Start Small Rather than asking for an ongoing mentorship, begin with a specific request:
- "I noticed you're really good at system design. Could I buy you coffee and ask you about how you approached the authentication service redesign?"
- "I've been trying to improve my code reviews. Could I get 15 minutes of your time to get feedback on how I've been reviewing PRs?"
These limited requests respect the other person's time and give both of you a chance to test the waters.
- Be Specific About Your Goals
Remember what we discussed in "How to be Mentored"? Preparation is key. Before reaching out, be clear about:
- What specific skills or knowledge you hope to gain
- Why you think this particular person can help
- How much time you're asking for initially
- Show You've Done Your Homework
Nothing turns off a potential mentor faster than feeling like you expect them to do all the work. Before your meeting:
- Research the topic you want to discuss
- Try to solve the problem yourself first
- Prepare specific questions that show you've thought deeply about the issue
This demonstrates that you value their expertise and time.
Nurturing the Relationship
If your initial conversation goes well, here's how to potentially develop it into an ongoing mentoring relationship:
- Express Genuine Appreciation
Follow up with a thank-you that mentions specific insights you found valuable. If I have particularly appreciated the advice I received, I like to thank people in a public way, or reach out to their manager to let them know how much I appreciated their advice and insights.
- Apply What You've Learned
Nothing is more rewarding for a mentor than seeing their advice put into action. Follow up and share how you've applied their guidance, including what the results were.
- Suggest Another Meeting—With a Purpose
"Your feedback on my presentation style was incredibly helpful. I've been working on the points you mentioned. Would you be willing to watch my next presentation and give me follow-up thoughts?"
- Be Receptive to Natural Endings
Not all mentoring relationships need to be ongoing. Sometimes a few focused conversations are all that's needed. Be grateful for what you received and move on when appropriate. It's easy for mentoring relationships to become "just another 1-on-1" when they go on for a while.
Finding Multiple Mentors
One of the most liberating realizations in my career was that I didn't need to find a single, perfect mentor. Instead, I've built a network of different people who I consider mentors in different aspects of my work and life:
- A peer who gives me feedback on my code
- A senior engineer who helps me navigate organizational politics
- A friend in a different industry who offers fresh perspectives
- A former colleague who advises me on career decisions
This "mentorship portfolio" approach has been far more valuable for me than seeking one perfect mentor!
Have comments or questions about this newsletter? Or just want to be internet friends? Send me an email at brittany@balancedengineer.com or reach out on Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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