Mentoring: How to be Mentored
This month we are talking about mentoring. This issue dives into how to be mentored!
April Theme: Mentoring
This is the fourth month that I'm writing this newsletter, and I think I'm starting to find the areas that I enjoy writing the most. I really loved writing about Visibility and preparing the content for this month: Mentoring.
I think I've found that I enjoy writing about the non-technical areas of software development a bit more than the more technical areas. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm glad I'm finding my balance!
Mentoring is a topic that I am very excited to talk about. I have been involved with the Engineering Mentorship Program at GitHub for the past several months, and I have learned a ton! One of which is that it's hard to find decent content on mentoring that isn't all fluff. This is my attempt at contributed some more content to this topic. We're going to start with this week on How to be mentored.
What is Mentorship?
First, let's set the scene a bit to discuss what mentorship typically looks like. When I talk about mentorship I'm referring to both "formal" mentorship relationships (those set up through a formal program with pre-defined guidance on meetings), and informal mentorship relationships (those that naturally occur when working with other people).
Formal mentorship typically looks like regular meetings with a specific individual, usually in a one-on-one, for a period of time. This may be set up through a mentorship program at your organization, if those exist. These types of programs are valuable for breaking down the barriers of reaching out to individuals in your organization that you wouldn't otherwise meet with.
Informal mentorship is a bit more difficult to define. It may be a few regular meetings with a senior member of your team to share knowledge. It could be a pair programming session with another engineer. It could be requesting a code review from someone you might not normally work with that knows the codebase well. Or perhaps even reaching out to someone that wrote something interesting that you wanted to pick their brain on.
While formal mentorship is great, and is something that I have spent quite a bit of time on through the program at GitHub, informal mentorship is more common. These informal mentorship opportunities are where I often learn and grow the most, and are worth treating with the same respect and goal-setting that you would use in a more formal mentoring relationship.
Taking Ownership of Your Mentorship
The most successful mentees understand that mentorship isn't something that happens to you. It's something you actively drive. You need to have a clear understanding of what you want to get out of your mentorship journey and be prepared in order to maximize your and your mentor's time.
1. Clarify Your Goals
Before approaching potential mentors or even in your first meeting, understand what goals you have that you're trying to achieve right now:
Identify specific skills or knowledge areas you want to develop
Think about short-term needs versus long-term career aspirations
Consider both technical and soft skills you want to improve
Be ready to clearly articulate what you hope to gain
A mentor can't guide you effectively if you don't know where you want to go.
2. Come Prepared to Every Interaction
Respect your mentor's time by doing the pre-work necessary to be prepared:
Bring specific questions rather than vague concerns
Do preliminary research on topics you want to discuss
Take notes to reference later
Follow up on advice from previous sessions
Remember: "I'm stuck" is less helpful than "I tried approaches A and B, hit these specific issues, and now I'm wondering if approach C might work better."
3. Be Receptive to Feedback
Feedback is mentorship's most valuable currency:
Listen without becoming defensive
Ask clarifying questions to understand feedback fully
Express appreciation, even for difficult feedback
Demonstrate how you've implemented previous suggestions
When a mentor sees you actively applying their guidance, they become more invested in your growth.
4. Develop Self-Awareness
Knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers helps you absorb mentorship more effectively:
Regularly reflect on your progress and challenges
Be honest about areas where you struggle
Recognize when you're resisting advice and examine why
Communicate your learning style to your mentor
5. Build a Diverse Mentorship Network
Different mentors can serve different purposes:
Technical mentors for coding best practices and architecture
Career mentors for advancement strategies
Cultural mentors for navigating workplace dynamics
Peer mentors for day-to-day problem-solving
No single person can fulfill all your mentorship needs, and you should be meeting with a lot of people to gain many different perspectives. This also builds your professional network as well, and mentoring is a great excuse to meet folks in your organization that you wouldn't normally work with!
Making the Relationship Work
Set Clear Expectations
Discuss the structure of your mentorship early on:
Meeting frequency and duration (I typically begin with 30 minutes every 2 weeks, for 5 sessions. Set an end date on the calendar invite to check in on whether the meetings are still meeting your needs, more on that below!)
Communication preferences between sessions
Boundaries around availability
How you'll measure progress
Express Gratitude
Mentorship is typically unpaid labor motivated by goodwill:
Acknowledge the time and effort your mentor invests
Share how their advice has helped you
Consider ways to give back, even if just by helping others
Keep them updated on your successes
Know When to Move On
Mentorship relationships naturally evolve, and it's easy for these meetings to turn into just another one-on-one if you don't regularly check in on whether it's time to move on:
Your needs might outgrow a particular mentor's expertise
As you develop, you might need less frequent guidance
Sometimes the chemistry just isn't right
It's okay to gracefully transition when the relationship has served its purpose.
Give Back to the Community
As you grow and develop within your role, consider mentoring others. You'll probably be ready to provide value to potential mentees before you think you are (thanks, imposter syndrome!):
Start small by helping those just behind you on the path
Share credit with those who helped you develop
Pass along not just technical knowledge but soft skills as well
Continue seeking mentorship even as you provide it to others
The best engineers understand that mentorship isn't a hierarchy but a cycle that strengthens the entire community.
By approaching mentorship actively rather than passively, you'll not only accelerate your own growth but develop skills that make you a more valuable team member and future leader.
The Deep Dive
Want to get way better at being a mentee? Check out "The Mentee's Guide: Making Mentoring Work for You" by Lois J. Zachary and Lory A. Fischler.
Thank you!
If you made it this far, then thank you! Next week we will be discussing the other side of this coin, How to Mentor.
Here’s a silly web comic I made this week:
Have comments or questions about this newsletter? Or just want to chat? Send me an email at brittany@balancedengineer.com or reach out on Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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